Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize