He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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