he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
