Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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