And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
