totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
