honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
