My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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