Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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