I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize