saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
