I'm drive I can fine osifer
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
