you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
