i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He shit in the fireplace
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
