you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
