Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
