I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the condom got lost in my hair
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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