we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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