He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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