All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
