we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
