Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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