I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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