Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
