i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize