apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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