At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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