Jerry, you need to find god
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
