you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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