how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
