Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
