So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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