i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
