I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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