No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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