I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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