you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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