They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
