Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
