i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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