i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
