I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
