I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
