i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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