I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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