I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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