I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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