they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
