I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Terrible idea I love it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
