she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
