last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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