Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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