Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
