I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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