you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
