i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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