He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
