You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
