The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
