i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
