Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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