I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
