Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
