My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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