he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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