I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im part way to drunk.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
