When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
