I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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