You're my little dorito
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
