News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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