Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
