I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it hurts more in the daytime
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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