Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
