I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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